Sooooo, it’s January. The holidays are over, a new year has begun, and with it comes a new semester.
First semester was a bit of a struggle for me, -as it is for many first years- there’s just so much to adjust to! University life can definitely be a shock to your system, and us delicate folks who handle change poorly, well; we handle change poorly. I’m excited to really get myself into a good space now that I know what I need to do to succeed. I’ve created “Britney’s Daily Mental Health Recovery Checklist” to my dorm room wall for a visual reminder that I need to have some darn discipline and not be ruled by the negative parts of my brain. It’s a simple tool that I highly recommend.
The Holiday break (#fétesGL) was exactly what I needed to re-evaluate what I want in life. I needed to be around my loved ones back at home. The people in my life are good, and funny, and they help me to put things into perspective.
Not to mention I made up for the weeks where I’m at school and therefore not around to annoy my family and friends by pulling out my phone and taking videos of everyone much to the deep chagrin of most of the video subjects. I’ve mashed together the appropriate, non-sweary parts into a video, and I imagine it makes no sense, but it is a great peek into my life if that’s a thing you are for some reason interested in.
Now that it’s the new year there are so many things that run through my mind; for example, how do I make this year a good one??
The eAmbassadors are all collectively eschewing new year’s resolutions and instead doing “oneword365”. After much thinking I’ve finally settled on my one word to live 2016 by: Faith.
I tried for quite a bit of time to come up with a more creative word, one that was profound sounding and not so common. (I don’t even try to pretend that I don’t have occasional bouts of pretentiousness.) However Faith is the word that kept politely tapping on the sides of my brain, like “Hey Britney you could focus on me if you wanted, I’m feeling kind of abandoned these days”.
I want to spend some of 2016 reconnecting with my spiritual side. I was raised in a deeply Christian household, and still hold on to those beliefs but the Faith I had as a child is incomparable to what I’m left with now. Anyone who has a relationship with God, whichever one(s) they may believe in, will tell you that religious faith requires constant exercise the way muscles do. I’ve been so inwardly focused these last few years that I’ve neglected the outward connection that is required to converse -so to speak- with God. I’ve also had a hard time reconciling a lot of my beliefs and personal discoveries with aspects of the religious communities I grew up in, which has made me shy away from all communities of faith, and I have to be honest here, it’s hard to be faithful when everyone you speak to on an intimate level is an atheist. The sheer number of friends I’ve had who have “converted” to atheism in the past few years is overwhelming. I understand their reasons, and respect them all very much, but it’s left me with very few people who don’t think I’m completely nuts for believing in the Big Guy in The Sky.
I also want to have more faith in myself. I’m never going to be 100% confident in my own ability to survive and thrive, (I am a writer after all, and we love ourselves a healthy dose self-doubt) but it’s common sense that if you think you’re going to fail, you will. I am the queen of self-sabotage and I am getting very tired of sitting on this particular throne.
I don’t think people think often enough about whether or not they have faith in themselves. It’s such a weighty word and maybe we feel unworthy of it, but we’re not, I promise.
And on that note, I also want to have more faith in the world. I used to be one of those people who believed the best of everyone I met, and yeah I was a bit gullible, and a bit soft-hearted -okay I still am-. but these days I tend to err on the side of bitterness, which is, in the words my past self would have used, so fricking lame of me.
I hope everyone is having a bright start to the new year, I’m sending you all good vibes and love!